Because You Are Already So Loved

Photo credit: Apple Rose Photography

Using Glow Nuture to track my pregnancy, today I am 6 weeks and 2 days. (Give or take) I feel nauseous practically all day, every day for about 2 weeks now. Why didn’t anyone ever tell me about this part? I knew there would be morning sickness, but I have all day sickness. Never ending kind of sickness.  I’ve eaten crackers and ginger ale, and that does not do anything! I stay hydrated with water throughout the day. I still have this constant nauseous, lump in my throat feeling that makes me run to the bathroom all day long. And it’s only the beginning. Welcome to Our Purpose – My Pregnancy Timeline.

We met with my ob/GYN and decided we wanted to take the next step in becoming parents. Because that’s what we have planned. That’s what we have planned for both of us. We Luckily and by God’s grace, it didn’t take long. I started feeling tenderness and cramping, let’s not forget that I missed my period and here came nausea. I’ve googled and questioned all that I can do and eat. The only foods that can calm my queasiness are lemon sorbet or lemonade at the moment. (Like a large size lemonade from Hot Dog on a Stick kind of lemonade.)

We have told my mother. It was such a wonderful moment. She was so excited! If only I had recorded that moment. It will be forever recorded in my mind. “My baby is having a baby!” It was such a happy moment forever engrained in my soul. I wanted to take another test, already after taking three and not having my next ob/GYN appt for another few weeks. The news I’ve been trying to keep wanted to come out, especially since I haven’t been feeling well. I took another test at my mom’s house and I came out with wanting something to share. She questioned for a second confirming the test and jumped for joy! Literally, jumping.

Next is the rest of our family. We are waiting till Thanksgiving to tell his parents. I’ve bought wine label pregnancy announcements from Etsy that we will put on wine bottles and surprise them.

I feel happy, but do not want to get too happy. My husband is so content. I notice the smile on his face. Already calling it a baby and can’t wait for the day. We’ve planned this day, every day leading up to this. So why am I so null? I feel like I shouldn’t get too excited. I clearly didn’t read into this enough. Pregnancy and birth and raising a child. If I was only told I’d have to endure pregnancy symptoms like endless nausea and cramping just to begin with, I would’ve rethought this whole motherhood thing! I can’t wait for it to be all over! And it’s just beginning!!!!!! OH DEAR!!! HELP!!! (Slightly, just kidding. I am not questioning our plans of creating a family but maybe in another world, in another time, I wouldn’t be feeling so sick?). I know this is such a great experience and I should feel more appreciative of this opportunity that not many get to experience in their life but the way I am feeling isn’t what I expected and I can’t seem to just feel better for a moment. I am looking forward to announcing it to the rest of our families, I can’t wait to see the look on their faces. That will be the best possible experience leading up to this. J u s t  C A N ‘ T  W A I T!

I am at 12 weeks 1 day, the baby is the size of a clementine.

We have shared the news with our family and close friends. Many who are willing to share their old baby items and opinions. Which is totally fine, I am new at this. It is just simply more knowledge to prepare ourselves.  I don’t tend to post it on social media but I guess since I’m documenting it, it will come out and present itself sooner or later. Last week we saw the baby swimming in my belly! It looked like a puppy trying to doggy paddle. Who knew he or she would be trying to figure this all out already. It was so amazing, while the nausea is still there, for that brief moment I did not feel sick. Although I have tried everything, from preggie pops, drops, lemon drops, ginger candies, oh Lord have I tried to stuff myself with food. Nothing seems to cure this nausea. I haven’t tried Zantac or other medicines. I’m trying really hard to stay away from them. Not knowing what the side effects would do to this growing being in my belly and to myself. But yes, I am so over this nauseous feeling. Tums that my doctor suggested that I take does the job from time to time I have also read that it is usually the prenatal vitamins that make women sick. So I  have switched to taking them at night. But I am still nauseous and it is mostly at work when I’m staring at the computer hoping I’ll get to feel better again. For now, I feel sick. Sick and fatigued and I’m still only that the beginning. I want to lay down on a soft cloud and sleep. My back hurt for a brief moment. I used a warm compress on it, as it also traveled down my leg. It went away after a few days of using that warm compress. From time to time I feel cramps and it seems to be totally normal as long as  I am not bleeding. Lack of working out due to being sick but I try to take the stairs and walk as much as I can, other than the darn nausea, I am perfectly fine and healthy. Now, let me get back to being nauseous and wanting to go home.

14 weeks and 3 days, my kid is a size of a large lemon.

Luckily, I love lemons so looking at the image on Glow does not make me nauseous. But I am still very much nauseous. I don’t have the constant anxiety/nausea but I have learned that feeding myself is what makes it maintainable for a little while. If I wait long to eat my stomach gets really upset and bare with me,… I will throw up. Even if I have nothing in my stomach, I will likely throw up acid. The pain that comes from it is horrible. It takes a toll on my body and makes me very tired, more than I already am. Yes, tiredness has kicked in. I have also switched prenatal vitamins, I was taking Nature Made Prenatal, DHA & Folic Acid. Everything in one. Which I thought I was doing good to my body. I did start taking them 6 months prior to becoming pregnant, so maybe that helped my body at least before. My doctor thought it might be the iron so now I am taking Vitafusion Prenatal gummies. I get them at Bed, Bath and Beyond (love love that 20% off coupon). Much easier to digest and nicer to my stomach. The taste isn’t so bad. I take one in the morning with breakfast, and one at dinner. You can even take them together. They are fruit flavored and I enjoy it. That’s the only thing I am enjoying at this moment. That, and the happiness I see in my husband. He is so thrilled. I have yet to be as thrilled, but I just think it’s my tiredness and nausea that keeps me from feeling better. I have looked into planning the baby shower with my mother-in-law and family. I love everything DIY (as you can see from my site) I’ve also looked at registries and ideas for a nursery. So, I am getting there. S l o w l y – But I am getting there. My stomach is growing. Harder to fit into my work pants. I think tights will be my friend. My sister did take me maternity shopping and she picked out a couple outfits for me. Jeans with the high waist felt so comfy! And it will just grow with my body. I just might never want to wear regular jeans again. I’ve heard the heartbeat and have felt it move a little. So weird to have something inside you. Having a second heartbeat in my body is crazy.

C-R-A-Z-Y!

18 weeks 5 days – Our baby is the size of a sweet potato.

Oh how we love our sweet potato fries! Now a days I can only take a few bites of my food before I start to feel full and overly stuffed. I eat snacks throughout the day to help with the nausea. Yes, it still continues. I feel a lump in my throat if I don’t eat anything, along with this nauseated feeling. And if I don’t get something into my system right away, acid comes right up. Miserable. Horrible. On a side note, I feel the baby move. They call it “quickening.” It does feel like a quickening of movement just right below my belly. It’s getting harder to sleep at night because my belly is getting bigger, and I can’t seem to turn over with grace. I’ve been feeling fatigue. Very tired not even through half of my day. To top it off I am working in an office and it does make it tough to deal with headaches and nausea throughout the day. I have recently been feeling under the weather. More than my regular nausea. It started with a sore throat and body aches. I don’t know what I can take to help. Especially since I do not want to take anything that can harm what is growing inside me. My body is already adjusting horribly to this foreign person forming in my body. (I read that somewhere) I just want to rest and eat soup. I feel as though I was much stronger than this. I could take pain much better before, now I feel so weak and unable to take care of myself. “WHATS GOING ON WITH ME?!”After speaking with my ob I started taking Tylenol for my fever and halls (occasionally) for my sore throat and some tea to sweat out whatever cold or flu that was hitting me. And it worked. Along with some much needed rest.

23 weeks & 6 days- Our baby is 11.4in & 1.1lb. Our baby girl is a size of an ear of corn.

It’s a Girl!

Yes, we are having a GIRL! Her head is near my ribs that painfully carve in at times making it hard to breathe and hard to sleep. I have to use an ice pack to get her to move. The coldness feels soothing to me and lucky for me, babies tend to go where the warmth is. I feel her kick on my lower belly, I see her pop up and down from my side view. I try to gaze at it but she never moves while I am directly watching. Sometimes her kicks are like electric shocks. Either she’s a kicker or gonna become a boxer. I am still feeling nauseous, queasy. Especially when being in a car. Speed bumps are not my friend. I still have to get food in me before something comes up. Sleep and rest are definitely helping with the nausea, I sometimes get heartburn at night. Tums takes care of it, especially since I don’t want to take any other medicines. I’ve gone this far, why start now? I am more fatigued, more quickly. Getting her nursery together and organizing the house for her arrival has been a slow process. But we are getting there. I have awful pain in my sciatica, it is literally a pain on my left butt cheek and goes down to my knee. I still have muscle spasms, but tend to try to catch them before they strike by bending my toes back. That seems to do the trick. If not, I’ll wake up in such excruciating pain that my husband has to help. One thing I do have and it has calm down slightly is my anxiety and stress. A lot of the stress came from work and being off has helped enormously. I don’t know what the anxiety is built up from. It can be from anything. From work to already being responsible for someone else’s life, other than myself. I tend to get it at night. Sparks of anxiety that take my breath away. Sometimes during the day. I’ve learned to take deep breaths to calm myself. I sometimes listen to music at night to help sleep. My husband is working on a documentary about the healing of meditation, sound and vibration. His inspiration was hearing the heartbeat of our child in the womb. I am interested in going to a Sound Bath, that is supposed to help with stress amongst other things. I am looking forward to connecting with this little girl growing in me. Hoping that something, anything will make me enjoy the rest of my pregnancy.

Dear Nia,

We love you already,.. as far as the moon and the stars. Your growing body is forming and is so fragile. I am taking good care of you while you are in my belly. It feels so weird to have you growing in me, apart of me. I have two heart beats in this body of mine. One, this fragile being that will grow to be so capable of anything and with so much purpose in this world. You are going to be so strong and you are not going to be afraid to live life. You are already so loved by so many. I have to keep track of all the gifts we are already receiving and our baby shower isn’t for two weeks. We are slowly getting your room together. I hope you like the colors and paintings and the initials on the wall. The rocking chair your daddy built that we will rock you to sleep on and read to you every night. The crib your Grandma and I disputed while putting it together. The changing table we’ll spend lots of time on, from the first time you need to be changed or the first time your DADDY will learn to change you while discussing why your diaper needs to be changed, to singing songs to you while we change your diaper that you will grow up to sing to your children too.  All the books I’ve collected since I was small and your Auntie Alicia would read to me at night. I would climb into her bed with a stack of books to have her read to me and I can’t wait for you to do that with your daddy and I. We promise to read to you, even if it’s passed your bedtime and you want one more. I can’t wait for this day to finally arrive. We promise to love you, do our best to take care of you, wipe your tears, and heal your wounds. I’d hate the day when you have a broken heart, but we will be there too, to help you move on because your life has a purpose, and if you are ever crying over a first love, your purpose hasn’t been fulfilled. You are our purpose, my dear sweet Nia.

28 weeks & 2 days- Glow says you are the size of a large eggplant.

You feel long, your arms and legs kick all day. My uterus is growing and is causing pain in my left ribs. I often times have to put ice on it to make it feel better. I see and feel you move around like if your playing a game of cat and mouse. I still feel pain in my sciatica at times,  getting up to go to the bathroom is a task in the middle of the night. We are going to start therapy for that. And hopefully swimming too! I was a little stressed and developed some anxiety along the way, so we will also start seeing someone for that too, to get some therapy to help manage that. I breathe in and out. I breathe you, in and out, hoping that you are getting all the oxygen you need. Hoping and praying that I am doing and feeling the right things so that I don’t put you in any stress. I still feel nauseous. My doctor has prescribed Diclegis. I was a bit scared to take any sort of medication, but asked around on groups on GLOW and didn’t get anything but good feedback. There are a lot of different types of groups and communities offered on Glow, that can answer any question you have. I searched and asked long and hard as others helped by sharing their stories on it. Diclegis makes me sleepy but I get to enjoy sleeping for a bit without waking up to go to the bathroom. I’ll take it during the day, as I love taking naps with you in between washing clothes and getting stuff done around the house. Sometimes I am too tired but on good days we go for a walk outside and do some stairs while getting some fresh air. That makes us feel a little better. We had a baby shower last week to celebrate your arrival. You received so many cute clothes, furniture and blankets. I hope you like bunnies! We have already started a collection. I have put a pink rose garland above your crib from the shower. It rained during the shower. But we made it work with a tent to cover everyone. It was literally an, “April Shower.” Everyone that wanted to celebrate your arrival was there. All the cute decorations I have been working on turned out so well and all the guests loved the bath bomb favors. Your grandparents,  Mamama and Seedo, loved hosting it and putting it all together with me and your daddy. We went to the LA Flower Mart to pick up some beautiful flowers to decorate with as well. Daddy worked hard on getting all the things we needed to make the party go just right. He is very excited for your arrival. He can’t wait for you to be here already! He kisses my belly and speaks to you. We just have a couple more things to get your room in order. Until this day, we are still receiving gifts in the mail. I’ve already started packing your diaper bag with choices of onesies to wear and newborn diapers you’ll use. I can’t wait to see you. What you’ll be like. The color of your hair and eyes, your touch. Making sure you have 10 little fingers and 10 little toes, and a beautiful smile. I’m really trying hard to help you come out and grow up healthy. I’ll do anything to take care of you, and I don’t even know you yet.

36 weeks & 5 days- you are around 6 lbs. and the size of a honeydew melon.

You are growing so fast inside of me. Doctor says you can come out now whenever you want. Along with milder nausea, I have now begun to feel “Braxton Hicks” or early labor contractions. There are also false labor contractions that usually stop if you change positions, but for me this is not the case. They come as I am sitting, standing, whenever they’d like. No one ever told me about this. It feels like a tightening of the stomach, which really is the tightening of the uterus and then it contracts. They are not so painful, it’s just very uncomfortable at this moment. It does take my breath away. I have to find a moment to stop and take deep breaths to pass it. I feel them come often throughout the day, but making sure they aren’t so close. You can find more info at What to Expect. I am hardly sleeping at night. This is due to having to go to the bathroom what seems like every 15 minutes, and now that my stomach has gotten slightly larger, it makes it more uncomfortable to sleep on either side. I am still experiencing that left rib pain. It can become excruciating at times. I can’t even walk for more than 10 minutes when it’ll start hurting again. We went on a Babymoon to Palm Springs where I got to swim every day. We stayed at the lovely, tranquil Korakia Pensione. It felt so nice to get away to this desert oasis. I highly recommend it and taking the time to get away before the baby arrives. I really got to enjoy their pool. Even if you are just sitting or standing in the pool, I highly recommend it. Unlike myself, I was doing the breast strokes and getting some exercise in my legs (still having those pains at night). The water made me feel weightless, but getting out of the pool was the struggle. I would slowly walk my way out of the pool, swaying from side to side as if getting ready for the bowling ball to just drop in my belly. 

I also had a prenatal massage. This is the second one I have gotten throughout my pregnancy. The first one was just at three months. This time it hurt to lay on my left due to that rib pain but I enjoyed the smell of lavender that probably made you go to sleep while mommy relaxed during her massage. To know that you were happy and I have been doing everything I can to support you and guide you, made the relaxation and the massage well worth it. We had the best massage while on our babymoon. I highly recommend getting one too. Taking some time to get away from it all and for ourselves really did help prepare us, sort of like the calm before the storm. Yet, we can’t wait for this little storm to arrive and fill our hearts. Knowing that we could be having this baby at any minute, I have yet to finalize the baby bag and still need to take the car seat to get checked. I was told by the Pump Station, where we took our very informative Baby 101 class and Breastfeeding class, that the CHP or Tot Squad could inspect the car seat to make sure it has been installed correctly. Nursery is ready, clothes are cleaned. Your bassinet is in our room waiting, quietly in the corner for your arrival, which can be any day now. We are looking forward it, and mommy is looking forward to having all these symptoms she has been going through, to keep you healthy and happy, to pass. Daddy is thrilled along with everyone else. Because baby girl, you are already so loved.

38 weeks & 3 days- You, baby girl, are a size of a leek.

I really think it’s the length. As I see it, as I look down at my stomach, you are definitely the length of my arms, so when you arrive I can cradle and hold you. I can’t wait to experience that bonding with you and your Daddy. We are thrilled to build a strong foundation for you so that you can grow and feel loved. Creating a routine and making sure you are well taken care of. I sometimes walk into your room, admiring all the decor, as I sit in the glider and look around the room. I picture you laying in your crib, getting to use the fresh new changing table and the “Guess How Much I Love You” books that we will read to you. I can’t get enough of looking at your adorable clothes hanging in your closet, hopefully you come out soon so you can fit into all your clothes. I am still feeling those contractions. A little more painful at times. I practice my prenatal yoga breathing to control the pain. My water can break any minute. The time is ticking and we are just waiting for something to happen. Our bags are now packed and your little outfits and swaddles are ready to go for your first wardrobe. We went to the Pump Station and had Tot Squad check the car seat and taught us how to use the car seat to make sure we securely buckle you in. We learned a lot and I am glad we did it. Your daddy is a bit nervous of holding your little body in his arms. He questions how he will be putting you in the car seat, as to not hurt you. Our love for you is so strong, and we haven’t even met you yet. I see you move around in my stomach, you kick and sway from side to side, I can only imagine the power you will have of entering this world, our world and changing our lives forever.  Everyone is waiting for your arrival. Because, you are already so so loved.